Dear Freckles
Dear Freckles
Standing out. The first thing everyone notices. Then, the judgement comes.
The words of my brothers and mother stayed inside me, my heart, soul, and thinking. It is so damn hard to erase the ugliness I have made myself believe about you and me.
I kept it quiet because I didn’t want to be ungrateful. I was not born with deformed or non-functioning limbs or brain injury. I don’t dare compare my ego to such tragic happenings.
It did not help with Uncle Pat calling me bird shit face his entire life, even when I was in my 20s and I still laughed it off. I wanted to say, “Fuck off, you mean old man.” All the times, my brothers pushed my head down under the car seat so “no one could see how ugly their sister was.”
I am so sorry, freckles, that you and I were not called by my name for years, from the first day when Matiu walked up to me in front of the class and said. “You are so ugly you are ucky, and that is what I will call you from now, Ucky.” So that was my name. Not even in hushed whispers, but boldly, pronouncing, calling, shouting it out in front of my teachers, all teachers, in the playground. The principal, and not one teacher, ever said, “Don’t call her that.”
Stepping out brought repercussions, being beaten up when I played well at netball because “ugly freckle freaks can’t play netball.” I was thrown into a brick wall because I looked up and said, “We had to look at your ucky face for a minute.”
For decades, you were a weight on my face, laden with heavy brown blobs, oozing the sentiments of my critics. With your weight, my shoulders had to stoop, my voice often becoming a vague whisper. The only good thing I could see about my thick, auburn hair was that it could fall over my face. Hiding me.
I am so sorry for all the years of self-pity. Growing up took a long time with no one to show me the way.
Love Sonya
Dear Sonya,
We have been through so much together. Who would have thought that a few million brown dots on a body would be instrumental in determining the type of person you have become? You have changed things. You love all your children and know every inch of their beautiful and handsome faces.
Kissing them every day of their childhood has helped to heal you. Every freckle they have represents a kiss of lasting beauty. A freckled face can feel good… sun-kissed freckles… a face warmed by sunshine.
The delight when you met a handsome man who said, “I want to spend all night kissing those freckles,” and he did. So gently, almost with awe. His eyes look into yours, telling you you are beautiful. Sonya, the freckles on your face represent so much more than flesh. They are the reason you teach children not only to feast upon their own stories that are burning inside them but to empower them to be just, to extend their hands to embrace one another’s diversity.
They will come to love everything unique to each person on their path. It is why you do not tolerate meanness toward any child, Sonya. You have fought for them, even when it has been so uncomfortable.
Your freckles are now loved, Sonya, by those who love you, your husband, your children, and even now, your brothers. Oh, how wonderful that you now love to look into the eyes of many. In your heart, you know your freckles are more than a part of your face.
Yes, they symbolise all the strong and good things in you.
I love you,
Freckles xxx